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A Brief Overview of Shnoowurf
Shnoowurf is a communist dictatorship located in the Carribbean near Cuba. It had been taken over by communist influence in the Communist Revolution, just as Cuba had. Somehow, no one knows of Shnoowurf. I say it is pure ignorance, because that is what I am forced to say, but it is really way more in depth. The laws of Shnoowurf are also very strange, as is the language. Read the assorted sections to learn more.
History of Shnoowurf
Founding of Ihaetyuoll
- The history of Shnoowurf starts when the universe begins, some 13.8 billion years ago. Shnoowurf is in the Universe, so this is technically part of its history. Let's fastforward a few billion years, Shall we? About 4.5 billion years ago, the Earth is created. Shnoowurf is on the Earth, so this is technically part of its history. Pangea will break up sooner or later: yaddah, yaddah, yaddah...
- Here! In the 1400s! Novembuary 102nd, 1406, to be exact! In 1406, Shnoowurf is founded on Ihaetya Island by Ihaet Evribuddi, a conqistador hungry for biscuits! He was, however, looking for gold. He just really liked biscuits. I mean, really, really, liked biscuits. Well, Ihaet Evribuddi founded this island territory, called Ihaetyuoll, for Spain. This was a big mistake, considering he was from the Ottoman Empire. This mis-founding was a cause of the Ihaetyuoll War, between Spain and the Ottoman Empire, from Novembuary 104th, 1406 to April 19th in 1406, a bloody battle for control of this territory.
Post - Ihaetyuoll War
- Spain eventually won the Ihaetyuoll War, and conquered this territory.Go Spain! Spain rocks! Spain is the best nation on Earth! I mean, I'm totally unbiased in this matter. Spain renamed this territory to be Ihaeteanglind. I haeteanglind was prosperous - actually, that's the biggest lie I've ever heard - until the freedom of The United States of America came to be. Darn you, America! Spain wanted that territory!
- This infuriating repulsion against England inspired Ihaeteanglind - ha, ha. England. - to wage a revolutionary war as well. Their battle for unrighteous independence was waged 10 years later, in 1786. This grueling battle against the atrocious tyranny that is the freedom of Ihaeteanglind lasted until Novembuary 5th, two years later, in 1788.
The New Ihaetyuoll
- The new independent state chose to be called Ihaetyuoll, its original name. They were now a Parliamentary Democracy, the first Parliamentary Democracy in history. The leader was a direct descendant of Ihaet Evribuddi, named Ihaet Evribuddi the XXXIVth. That number is 34th, if you can't read Roman Numerals, and yes. That is a lot of Ihaets.
Control by Haiti
- Ihaetyuoll was not to last, however. A native people called the Murks wanted their island back. They ousted Ihaet Evribuddi the XXXIVth on the 1st of January in 1789. Uncertain of what they should do with themselves, yet again, and these horrific Europe-ians, they let themselves be taken over by the nearby also newfound country, Haiti.
- Haiti ruled over their new island way more prosperily than their old one. They invested in futuristic technologies over the ages including: electricity, the telegram, that recording machine thingy that no one cares about, the blender, and most importantly, new crops and medicines, and science. Haiti was so obsessed with their new island (that Spain should've controlled) , they forgot to make any progress on their old one. Whoops! That's one reason why Haiti is a fourth world country right there.
Communism Comes to Ihaetyuoll
- Everything changed with the arrival of communism. In the Western Hemisphere, not much happened, except the taking over of two countries in the Caribbean by the Soviet Union! These countries were Haiti in 1963 and Cuba in 1962. Haiti rebelled, and the Soviets obliterated everything they owned. However, as an act of pity, the Soviet Union let the pathetic country keep their original island - you know, the fourth world one - as their home. Haiti despised this, but what could they do?
- The Soviet Union epic failed controlling their new territory, and eventually, inspired by freedom, a teenager named Keel Evribuddi, another descendant of Ihaet Evribuddi, knocked the Soviet Union off of "his little island" in 1969, which he called Shnoowurf.
The Founding of Shnoowurf
- Keel was a very strange 16-year-old boy. He always dreamed of conquering the world and creating the most complex process of ruling it. Of having the strangest languages and currencies. Of being isolated from the world.
- Keel Evribuddi made an agreement with the UN in 1973. This agreement stated that the UN would deny and keep secret Shnoowurf's existence. The UN didn't care of Shnoowurf's existence one way or the other, so they signed the treaty whateveringly. Now Keel Evribuddi had all control.. over everything in Shnoowurf.
- Boshlank's Human Counterpart took over power in 2010, reinforcing Keel's laws. If you want to know, Keel's soda was "accidentally" poisoned with arsenic.
Mystery Inc. Invasion
- In 2010, the UN stops keeping Shnoowurf secret. Their logic is "We made a deal with Keel, not some random really awesome dude." Annoying, right? They didn't technically tell anyone - spill the beans, if you'd rather - , but they didn't exactly guard Shnoowurf either. So, Shnoowurf had to scare people away using a monster called Shnoo Demon.
- Shnoowurf's fast engineers engineered a giant robotic Leviathon-like Shnoo Demon to make sure no one came close. Yeah... if you know anything about Scooby Doo, you'll know this is where they come in.
- Mystery Inc. started their investigation on December 2nd, 2010, supposedly taking a vacation in the Caribbean to "escape the chill". They eventually started on the case... and got ripped to shreds by the robotic Shnoo Demon while investigating. Scooby Doo's pained dying scream was then added to Shnoowurf's national anthem. Yes, of course they had voice recorders! There was a camera crew!
The UN Interferes
- After Scooby Doo's tragic death, who wouldn't interfere? The UN came up and interrogated Shnoowurf's current leader, Boshlank's Human Counterpart. They didn't harm or kidnap him or anything, but they asked him questions. The first, and last, of these questions was "Did you make a robotic Shnoo Demon?" Boshlank's Human Counterpart's response to this was shooting the interrogator in the head.
- Yeah, that caused war. This war came to be known as the Shnoowurfian Isolation Independence War. However, it also caused a new opportunity to keep Shnoowurf secret. The war lasted about 12 minutes before Shnoowurf threatened to nuke every highly significant city in all of the UN unless the UN would keep Shnoowurf secret and not bomb them or anything.The UN knew the best way to play a nuclear war was not to play. So, they reluctantly signed this agreement, called the Boshlank's Human Counterpart is Awesome Agreement, in Novembuary 111th, 2012. Yes, mighty Spain did reluctantly sign Shnoowurf's document. Oh, Spain!
Genetic Warfare - War of the Species
- On Novembuary 19th, 2012, a panda-puss was discovered in Iran, near the Caspian Sea. This caused a ripple of disruption through Shnoowurf. Some panda and cat enthusiasts embraced the panda-puss. One was even brought into the country! When the Shnoowurfian Government set out to make panda-pusses extinct, the panda-puss enthusiasts challenged them.
- The deal, called the War of the Species Deal, announced that Panda-pusses and badgers/badger bats will declare war. It will be species on species. If any actual weapon is used on either side, that side will be nuked. Shnoowurf controlled the badgers and badger bats, under command of Regdab, and the Enthusiasts controlled the panda-pusses. The loser's species will be made extinct.
- Shnoowurf eventually won the war exactly one year later ,and panda-pusses were made extinct. It's a shame, too. They were so ridiculously adorable. Ridiculously. Adorable.
Genetic Warfare - Regdab's Uprising
- The Badger bat army was weakened from the War of the Species. Because badger-bats could not reproduce naturally, badgers reproduced like wildfire, and Regdab really liked controlling stuff, Regdab rose up against the Shnoowurfian Government. This event was known as Regdab's Uprising, but I'm saying this as if it mattered. It was an EPIC FAIL! Boshlank's Human Counterpart ordered the Shnoo Demon to eat all the badgers, which worked suprisingly well, leaving only three and a half badgers. Regdab was quickly thrown in jail in a place where he could not manipulate any badgers. Looks like it's time for the 414th advisor, Shnoowurf.
The UN Disbands - Attempt at Reunition
- When the UN disbands in 2015, Shnoowurf no longer has the Boshlank's Human Counterpart is Awesome Agreement on their side. Now, every country on Earth would know. They would find out about Shnoowurf! This is not what Keel wanted, and this is not what Boshlank's Human Counterpart wanted, either.
- As a solution, the scientists of Shnoowurf replicated the Shnoo Demon 21 times so 22 Shnoo Demons will circle the island... but that won't help being detected by aircraft and satellites. There was only one thing Shnoowurf could do. Well, two things. Their first option was easier. Reform the UN. The second option was not easy at all. Make an agreement with every single country to keep them secret. Shnoowurf went with option one.
- Shnoowurf called every government's official leader to Ihaetya Island, hoping to reunite them. The leaders for Greece, Algeria, Yemen, Argentina, Peru, Honduras, Indonesia, and Cuba were all assassinated. Other countries took them over. Well really, the whole meaning was gunshots and pretending to be orderly. No one cared but Shnoowurf, and the UN remained apart. Forever.
The UN Disbands - Attempt at a Document for Every Country
- Well, one of the nations at the meeting, Greece, was put to an end. The debt crisis and now this! Greece could just not go on. Crete and most of the Aegan Islands were taken by a country known as Tsiviada. The rest belonged to Balkan Greece. Tsiviada was the first country to accept the new Boshlank's Human Counterpart is awesome agreement, saying that if they were able to, they would make all of the countries sign it. They did this because the ruler of Tsiviada had been friends at childhood. Balkan Greece came next, actually. They did it because they thought Tsiviada refused to sign the document, and they liked to do whatever Tsiviada didn't do. I bet that was part of Tsiviada's plan.
- Tsiviada actually got the majority of countries on Earth to sign it, Shnoowurf getting the rest... except two. The most important two. The United States of America and the Totally Evil Anti-American Republic of Doom. They were also carrying out a war at this point, for control of Utah. All their attention was focused on Utah and surrounding areas, though. They didn't care about Shnoowurf's secrecy.
The War of Florida and Shnoowurf's Secrecy Event
- It was 2018. Boshlank's Human Counterpart had just become an adult when the war between the U.S.A. and the T.E.A.A.R.O.D. had just spread too far. Florida was the center of affairs. Ihaetya Island was in danger of being detected. Now it was time... for what is known as the Shnoowurf's Secrecy Event.
- The U.S.A. "discovered" Shnoowurf and wanted toput a military base on it, to station missiles and whatnot. Shnoowurf pleaded to T.E.A.A.R.O.D. to get them out and keep Shnoowurf secret. T.E.A.A.R.O.D. responded with a "Why should I?", which really, is the only good answer. Seriously, why should they?
- "Why shouldn't you?" Shnoowurf responded. The Shame. Well, they held a meeting eventually. June of 2018. Shnoowurf agreed to help them in any military affairs, and T.E.A.A.R.O.D. agreed to keep Shnoowurf secret. This deal is called the New Boshlank's Human Counterpart is Awesome Agreement.
- However, this did not keep the U.S.A. off the island. So, Shnoowurf made another deal behind their back. Or rather, Tsiviada did. The leader of Tsiviada made a deal with the U.S.A. This deal, called the The Leader of Tsiviada is Awesome Agreement, insured that no military bases from the U.S.A. will be placed on Shnoowurf, Shnoowurf shall be kept secret, and Tsiviada will help the U.S.A. in the Floridan War.
The War of Florida and Shnoowurf's Secrecy Event - Tsiviada-Shnoowurf "War"
- Neither Tsiviada nor Shnoowurf wanted to help either country in the Floridan War. So, they promised as their part of the war to "take on" each other. This "war" is known as the Tsiviada-Shnoowurf "War". Neither side did anything, but they pretended to gain and lose ground. In the end, Tsiviada "won", but all land conquered in the "war" was returned to its original owner.
- Until this time, Boshlank's Human Counterpart had been using random Shnoowurfian citizens as his advisors, which fell quickly because he did not like the way they did things. They had to be a little more morbid and evil than that! So many advisors/citizens were killed, this became known as the advisor epidemic. If it didn't stop, Shnoowurf's population would reach zero in no time. In the end, 999 Shnoowurfian advisors/citizens were killed. Boshlank's Human Counterpart had no choice but to rehire Regdab. However, a close watch was kept on him at all times. Also, after the Regdab's uprising, Shnoowurf still had literally no army since without Regdab there were no badgers, and without the badgers there were no badger-bats. They still had nukes, though!
- Shnoowurf had had plenty a hurricane before, but none more devastating than Hurricane Hoompadre. Hoompadre killed an estimated 341 people. After it hit in 2033, Shnoowurf spent a total of about 3 years to recover.
- Hurricane Hoompadre was strange. It turned sideways and skipped over everything in the Caribbean except Shnoowurf. Then, it shrank in size, still containing equal mass, and beat down on Shnoowurf ferociously. Afterward, it dissipated. And it smelled fishy - literally. Probably because it was about 23% fish.
The Laziness of Regdab (and the trouble it caused)
- Regdab was too lazy to help clean up after Hurricane Hoompadre, so he left on some so-called "Important business" on Novembuary 69th, 2034. He left another deity to do his job for him while he was gone. Wombie, the deity of wombats. At first, when Wombie showed up after Regdab left saying he was there to fill in for him, everybody laughed. You see, Wombie was a fairly new deity, and was about 7 years old in human years. The guards did not think he looked very impressive. One of the guards told Wombie that he had a stupid name.
- Long story short, Shnoowurf's wombat population grew by one and human population decreased by one in about 5 seconds. As for helping clean up after the hurricane, Wombie was more of a hindrance than a help. Boshlank had to scold him rather severely for clogging up the storm drains with wombats. Boshlank would have killed Wombie after his first day if he could have. Wombie seemed to be immune to poison, and any weapon that got within 10 feet of him turned into a wombat. On Novembuary 17th, 2035 Regdab returned, and to everyone's delight, punted Wombie into the ocean. Boshlank made Novembuary 17th a national holiday, "Wombie Sucks!" day. Residents still are finding wombats all over the place, including stuck in their faucets and toilets (These incidents are referred to as "Wombat Clogs").
- If you have a Wombat Clog, call 1-800-WOM-CLOG today!
The Beginning of the Great Shnoowurfian War
- On March 3rd, 2036, T.E.A.A.R.O.D. launched the largest ship ever, T.E.A.A.T.R.O.D. (Totally Evil Anti American Titanic Replica Of Doom), A.K.A. Titanic II. Unfortunately, the gargantuan ship sailed too close to Shnoowurf, and got torn to pieces by the 22 Shnoo Demons. Not only did the T.E.A.A.R.O.D. lose an equivalent of $50,000,000,000 and 3% its population, their leader was on the ship. Fortunately, he washed up on the beach of Shnoowurf alive. Unfortunately, somebody from street 1 saw him and murdered him with a piece of broccoli. Oops.
- There were many assassinations within the next hour as people grappled for the now open spot of leader of T.E.A.A.R.O.D. After a new leader was appointed, Hoompadre Gneenfochlagh, T.E.A.A.R.O.D. declared war on Shnoowurf. They launched with a suprise air attack on March 5th, successfully killing the dictator of Shnoowurf, Boshlank's Human Counterpart.
- YEAH RIGHT! Kill Boshlank's Human Counterpart! Pah-lease! Demons, Boshlank in this situation, will um... mortalify, or gain the ability to die, if they fail their job that badly, get kicked out of the underworld, become unable to hold their host, or get dipped in holy water. Boshlank would've mortalified, so he lent his human counterpart his power temporarily. The bullet burst into demon flames and the air battalion flew, flaming, into the sea to be devoured by the 22 shnoo demons. One bad thing, though... after gaining demon powers, one becomes disoriented and frail for a few hours.
The Great Shnoowurfian War Continued
- T.E.A.R.R.O.D. launched another attack 10 days later. This time it was much different. They launched only one unarmed plane. When it was shot down, it's true might was revealed. The plane contained a virus called Badgersnot. It is called this because it makes badgers sneeze a lot. It just makes humans pineapple and banana obsessed, though. You win this battle, T.E.A.R.R.O.D.!
- Another hurricane, Hurricane Garpaad, came and beat down upon Shnoowurf during the war. Fortunately, it wasn't like Hurricane Hoompadre. This stopped several attacks from T.E.A.R.R.O.D., and actually ended up being helpful. Shnoowurf always knew what to do when there was a hurricane. However, a tornado also struck in Kansas, where some Shnoowurfian troops were held. It, well, it was pretty much like the hurricane.
The Great Shnoowurfian War's End
- The war went until it was ended on Novembuary 118th, 2039. It was a truly tragic war in Shnoowurfian history, because Shnoowurf lost - and Shnoowurf NEVER lost a war. Either Way, the peace treaty, called the Boshlank's Human Counterpart Isn't Really That Awesome Treaty was signed on this day. Signed. Ha! Boshlank's Human Counterpart's Advisor's Bodyguard shot all the leaders of T.E.A.R.R.O.D. who could make it. The Vice vice vice vice president of T.E.A.R.R.O.D., Vivian Gantre-Puegee, was elected the new leader and "decided" to leave Shnoowurf alone after a 5-month "meeting" there. Badger therapy. Every time.
Wombie Returns... Or Not!
- Ironically, Wombie returned on "Wombie Sucks!" day, 2040. As soon as he surfaced, he was hit on the head by a wombat that was (again, ironically) punted into the ocean by Regdab in honor of the holiday. The wombat was so fat, it gave him a concussion, and he sank once again to the bottom of the sea. This is known as the great punting.
- This started a tradition on "Wombie Sucks!" day. Regdab Would punt several wombats into the ocean, and then the people of Shnoowurf say "Badgers Over Wombats!" This is the tradition. It is known as the punting.
The Upset of Big Red Box
- Big Red Box was a little girl from the A.S.N.S.A. (The Allied States of Northern South America). She swam all the way to Shnoowurf, took a couple of pictures on her phone-kabob, and then swam back in 2046. You know Shnoowurf couldn't have pictures on a phone! Boshlank's Human Counterpart wouldn't stand for it! So, Shnoowurf bombed A.S.N.S.A., hoping to kill Big Red Box. They blamed the bombing on Shugo because Shugo and A.S.N.S.A. were long-time enemies. This did not kill Big Red Box, but it did start a war between Shugo and A.S.N.S.A. Big Red Box posted the pictures on the internet, but luckily, everyone thought they were fake and Big Red Box got drafted for the war before she could say anything about it. When she returned home alive, she forgot about the whole thing. Shnoowurf really dodged a bullet there!
The Panda-Puss Returns and the Unnoticed War
- You read right! The abomination comes back! Ugh! In 2041, Archie-Glaptonian scientists revived the panda-puss, but they called it the feline panda. Shnoowurf immediately declared war on Archie-Glapto. Boshlank's Human Counterpart would not stand for this! He called Archie-Glapto and told them to "beware of the awesome might of Shnoowurf." because "we will fell you, filthy prokaryotes." The receiver acted as if it were a prank. "Course. Course I'll feel your might, Shnoowurf. What mother names their child Shnoowurf anyway?"
- Boshlank's Human Counterpart boiled with fury. Not believe in Shnoowurf's existance, eh? He demanded every citizen in Shnoowurf to call Archie-Glaptonian officials telling them to beware their wrath, Shnoowurf has declared war on them, and demons will eat their intestines. This is why Archie-Glaptonian officials began to call this war the Overdone Prank. Shnoowurf called it the Unnoticed War.
- Shnoowurf had had enough. They decided to strike first with a badger-bombing. It missed. Shnoowurf tried another badger-bombing. An actual bombing even, but those dumb pilots! Actually, one badger bombing hit an old man alone in the woods. However, he was considered to be mentally insane after the incident, because badgers don't fall from the sky.
Monkey-Bears Invade Shnoowurf
- Monkey-bears are geneticly engineered animals that are half monkey and half bear. They were created by Archie-Glapto. Someone in Cuba, part of the Carribean Confederacy had ordered a monkey-bear from Shnoowurf, but Boshlank's Human Counterpart took it because they wanted to know what all the fuss was about. He took it to Shnoowurf in 2044 and the citizens decided to name it Shmarp-chong-chong-chong. Boshlank's Human Counterpart did not think was appropriate, so he sent Shmarp-chong-chong-chong back to the Carribean Confedecy. Well, Regdab did, but Boshlank's Human Counterpart told him to.
- The guy in the Carribean Confedercy wanted to know why his pet was gone for two weeks, so he traced the package bavk to Shnoowurf, which he did not know was there. He publicized it, but no one believed him. Actually, just to mess with him, they sent a bunch a monkey-beras to his adress. They all got mistakenly taken to Shnoowurf. This is called the monkey-bear invasion of Shnoowurf.
- Shnoowurf would not stand for it! They launched a nuke at Archie-Glapto. When the plane carrying the bomb was ready to drop the bomb on the capital building, the plane malfunctioned. Well, not malfunctioned, the plane was built wrong. Some dumb scientist had attached the engine to the nuke instead of the plane! So, when the plane opened its bomb doors, it just crashed into the Falkland Sound, but the bomb kept going. It ended up landing in the South African portion of The Grand Alliance, which then declared war on Archie-Glapto, thinking they launched it. It had come from that direction. However, Archie-Glapto stopped the war, proving that it had actually come from Cuba, in the Caribbean Confederacy. The Grand Alliance declared war on the Caribbean Confederacy, which claimed innocence. Yeah, right. The Unnoticed war was forgotten... for now.
The Government of Shnoowurf
- The government, as you may have guessed, is a communist dictatorship of doom. The leader is know as the Eyrooloverr Evribuddi. The extra "Evribuddi" is added because the ruler has been an Evribuddi every single time... except for that time when Shnoowurf was controlled by those Soviet idiots... and the king of kings, Spain.
- The dictator has a political party called "My Little Idiots". My Little Idiots does not really control anything, but they are used for humiliation by the real party of advisors. Their mortifying fate is broadcast live across all of Shnoowurf. They are commonly stripped naked and forced to eat bags of each other's dukey.
The Laws of Shnoowurf
- Shnoowurf has a great variety of laws. Yeah... you could say "a great variety", or you could say "about 200 per street". Shnoowurf is divided into 47 different winding streets, also called city streets. They each have their own ridiculously diverse laws, along with the strange national law.
The National Law
- The national laws are very simple. If you defy the government, you are put on a humiliating game show. If you insult the government, you are put on a humiliating gameshow. If you want a panda-puss, you are put on a humiliating gameshow. Panda-pusses do not exist, and therefore shall never be wished for. Ever. Never ever. Never ever ever.
Let's take a look at the constitution, shall we?
Constitution of Shnoowurf
- We the people of Shnoowurf hate all other people of Earth, because we are better. This is not racist. We are just better. Get used to it, people of the Earth. We just ARE! Panda-pusses are to be thoroughly despised. They do not exist,
and you better tell my little sister I'm going to kill her for wanting a panda-puss. You know what, kill her while I'm writing this and make sure the blood doesn't splatter this document. This document is to be law. Oh darn, did I just write that? I'll just cross it out.Well, the different city streets can have different laws, under my control, of course. Ummm... oh yeah! Do not insult or despise the government... or defy it. I'll think of some punishment worse than death. Alright, Gudo! Mass-produce this immediately! Ummm... The End, I guess.
Laws of Street 1
- Street 1 has an abundance of useless laws, just like every other city street here.
- It is legal to murder, but one must do it with either broccoli or blue cheese. Violations of this law will result in painful and humiliating tasks.
- Use of pronouns is illegal. Violations of this law will result in one episode on a humiliating gameshow per pronoun used
- One must not cook barbecue. Punishment for violation of this law will result in dressing up as a tree three months per pound of barbecue cooked.
- Citizens of Street 1 will get free healthcare (and for once, legal as well) in case of one of the following injuries: pirahna biting leg, being hit in the head by flaming anything, or slipping in icing. No other healthcare is permitted. Violations of this law will result in pirahnas biting your leg, being hit in the head with flaming anything, and slipping in icing.
- You must not eat cheese crackers. Violations of this law will result in one painful pulling of the head per cheese cracker eaten. You may keep them as pets, however.
Laws of Street 2
Laws of Street 3
Laws of Street 4
Laws of Street 5
- If a foreigner washes up on the shore of Street 5, do this! No, do this! Hit him with something! Ugh...
- If a foreigner washes up om the shore of Street 5 wearing a red shirt/jacket, kill him with a loaf of butter. Yes, a loaf. What part of "loaf" don't you understand! If I say loaf, I mean loaf! Sheesh-kabob! Some people! Well, violations of this law will result in saying "Pnontoonpnogdoople" for days on end.
Laws of Street 6
Laws of Street 7
Laws of Street 8
- Only two laws stand here. Abnormal.
- One must do nothing but manufacture boxes. That's right, not even eat, sleep or breathe. We have machines to do that for you. Punishments for violations will vary in severity, depending on the severity of the violation.
- No manufacturing a yellow box. Violations will result in 9 weeks of badger therapy per box manufactured.
Laws of Street 9
Laws of Street 10
Laws of Street 11
Laws of Street 12
Laws of Street 13
Laws of Street 14
Laws of Street 15
Laws of Street 16
Laws of Street 17
Laws of Street 18
Laws of Street 19
Laws of Street 20
Laws of Street 21
Laws of Street 22
Laws of Street 23
- If you live on this street, you are dead. Literally. All citizens of street 23 are treated as zombies by all other citizens of shnoowurf.
- Citizens of street 23 must have a pickle shoved up each nostril at all times. Violations of this law will result in one year of badger therapy per pickle missing.
- When someone sneezes, citizens of street 23 must immediately poke their left eye with a carrot. If you fail to do this within 5 seconds, you are fed to the Shnoo Demon.
Laws of Street 24
Laws of Street 25
Laws of Street 26
Laws of Street 27
Laws of Street 28
Laws of Street 29
Laws of Street 30
Laws of Street 31
Laws of Street 32
Laws of Street 33
Laws of Street 34
Laws of Street 35
Laws of Street 36
Laws of Street 37
Laws of Street 38
Laws of Street 39
Laws of Street 40
Laws of Street 41
Laws of Street 42
Laws of Street 43
Laws of Street 44
Laws of Street 45
Laws of Street 46
Laws of Street 47
The Language of Shnoowurf
The Stats and Whatnot of Shnoowurf
- Shnoowurf's national anthem is "Shnoowurf Issued Screams", which is a montage of the pained dying screams of Shnoowurf's enemies, lasting 1 hour, 13 minutes, and 56 seconds.
- Shnoowurf is located in the Caribbean near Cuba. It's coastline in 42 miles, and it has an area of 46 square miles. I'm not going to tell you it's volume. Who cares about the volume of an island?
- Shnoowurf's national flower is the Dying Hubert, an ugly toxic orange purple-spotted flower whose fumes, if inhaled, will give one extreme nausea for a few days. And don't even think about eating it!
- Shnoowurf's national animal is the Badger-Bat. Bats are not the only flying mammal!
- Shnoowurf holds the world record for smallest nation in isolation, but word doesn't get out about it.
- First off, I should warn you that Shnoowurf had a fashion revolution in the umm... lat's call them the poondies. 2000 to 2010. That is now referenced to as "the poondies". Good. I'm glad you know. You should also know that I am doing a culture overview of every mark. Yes, that is pretty much every decade. A culture guide will be included at the bottom. And... start!
1406 - 1441
- Europeans flock to Shnoowurf after that bloody war was waged. This era is sometimes nicknamed the 'who cares' era. Because seriously, who cares about this colonization crap? What else can I say? Umm... well, Europeans come and colonize Ihaetya Island. Well, they liked to eat stuff. They ate lots of stuff. They ate pork and apples... some bananas... oh! They also ate pigs! At that point, they were like the rest of the world.
- It is now, in this era, that Shnoowurf - excuse me, Ihaeteanglind - adopts quite diverse culture than the rest of the world. They begin a music craze called "estiercol de vaca", which is the Spanish way of saying cow dung. Estriercol de Vaca is usually played on picllos, flutes, recorders, and bugles. The bugles play a very low classical melody as the others play completely random notes and hope it sounds good. I would put a recording here, but I am worried I could be charged for murder if I do that. Either way, this music craze is one Ihaeteanglind quite adored. I have no idea why.
- Art was also popular in this era of Shnoowurf's history. These people with horrible taste in music also had atrocious taste in art. This style is called "Cacacara". Caca cara is the Spanish way of saying poop face. It is pretty much correct, figuring that this style of art is the artistic representation of the bad things people do. They show this by drawing a cacacara, a poop face. You might say the people of Ihaeteanglind were strange, but you could also lie.
- I'm not even going to try to cover any of the stuff here. I could be charged for murder if I attempt to describe the strange Ihaeteanglind, and I think I would be. Let's get on, shall we?
- The idea for freedom was popular here. Actually, a little too popular. Freedom was incorporated into everything. The most popular song was "The Star Spangled Banner". The American flag was constantly painted. All the plays in Ihaeteanglind were reinactments of the Revolutionary War. The latest fashion was red, white, and blue. Spain despised this, but what could the best empire on the planet do?
- A famous painting, called Washington Libertad was painted during this time. It was a famous part of Shnoowurfian history... until Keel Evribuddi destroyed it. But, all famous paintings are eventually destroyed by evil masterminds, aren't they? I would put a picture of it in this section, but it was destroyed before it could be copied. So, here's the word fondue.
1789 - 1800
- Well, Haiti was in control during this time, so Haiti experienced the horror of the strange island's grotesque being. Poor Haiti. Shnoowurf might have been exciting and new, but it sure was ugly. The freedom fad was over, but a horrific new one just began.
- First off, I should tell you of the sport Leachball. The players each took a leach from the putrid water of the Iheatya River and attatched it to their head. The player with the most leaches on the back of their head by the end of ten minutes wins. No taking more leeches from the water and no asking politely for a leech.
- That is nothing compared to the art. Why is it even called leechball, anyway?
- Squiggly lines were considered extraordinary, but don't make your line too squiggly. The massive array of types of squiggly lines was seemingly infinite, and so will be the stream of puke coming from your mouth after you hear the new dance craze.
- Estiercol de Vaca was revived, but that's not all. Now, it was danced to. Not a fun dance. A dance that symbolified humiliation of the weak. A professional dancer would pick a weak person from the audience and move in a circle around them. This movement required hip-shaking and tongue-sticking. When the correct part of the song was reached, the dancer would pick up the weak person and punt them back into the audience. It was then the dancer would mock the weak person by sitting on the ground and fake-cry as badly as they could and launch themselves into the audience. Then, the flutes or piccolos would stop playing and say something rude and insulting to the weak. Lovely, right? Please clog up your stream of puke, please.
- You don't want to hear the rest, and I will probably get arrested, but I feel this is neccesary. Art was a picture of someone getting whipped to death in this stage. This is strange, but not as strange as how they were able to create these paintings. Haiti whipped people in public so artists could see this spectacle and create their painting. These public whippings could also arouse inspiration. These paintings also inspired Keel Evribuddi to hold Whipping Day, on March 26th.
- No, that is not all. Rememeber, some medicine was introduced. Yes. That means more advanced surgery. People surgically implanted pigskin baseballs into their stomachs, along with solid iron cubes and apples. Oh, the things those people surgically implanted into their stomachs! Really, it wasn't their stomachs, but it was infront of them, or in that area of the body. It was implanted so that you could clearly see it sticking out of their body. Grotesque, right? That probably didn't help your pukestream, did it?
1810 - 1810
- I am sorry to inform you that leachball was still the most popular sport in Shnoowurf... er, Haiti. Now, there were even teams of the different areas of Ihaetya Island. The teams were the Badger-Bats, the Puking Huberts, the Bonfires, the Estiercol de Vacas, the Awesomeinators, the Yazpatches, and the Mutant Mega-Roaches.
- Well no, the menace of Estiercol de Vaca wasn't dead. It was half-dead, though. It's like one of those dead things that you find on the beach that you poke with a stick and it twitches. There are several more dances, but I am not going to tell you the details of these atrocities. However, there was another style of music born called Queiro Codigo, which directly translates to I am God. It is named this because a Lutheran priest, named Eysukk the CCXXXVIIIth (Yes, that is 238 in Roman numerals.) believes God spoke to him and told him to create this style of music. This style of music is essentialy a snare drum playing assorted rudiments... with an oboe. That's right, they play the drum with the oboe. Oh yeah, and someone was playing the oboe while whacking the snare drum with it! An OBOE!
- Fashion. Ah, fashion. You'll need to sign here before reading. And here. And put your initial here. Okay, now that the paperwork is in order, I will begin. People surgically implanted their ancestor's skulls into their backs. Period. The end. I'm sure lucky you signed that contract, or I would be imprisoned for sure!
- Shnoowurf has an assortment of national holidays, most being useless.
- Fnoggle Day is probably the most confusing holiday inhistory. It is held on two random times throughout the year, and each 5 years, what you do and celebrate on Fnoggle Day is changed.
Boshlank's Human Counterpart is Awesome Day
- It is held once a year at a randomly generated date. A parade for Boshlank's Human Counterpart is displayed, and he is celebrated.
Wombie Sucks! Day
- Held on Novembuary 17, Wombie Sucks! day commemorates the punting of Wombie into the ocean by Regdab. Citizens are encouraged to buy wombats and punt them into the ocean. Regdab gets no credit for his "heroic" deed, because it was his fault in the first place. Instead, Boshlank's Human Counterpart is celebrated and worshipped as the citizens bask in his glory. There is a tradition in which Boshlank's Human Counterpart punts a wombat into the ocean and the citizens chant "Badgers over Wombats!"
- Boshlank is a demon, as well as the ambassador of the underworld. He has the job of warping the minds of the young. This is why he took control of Boshlank's Human Counterpart in 2006. He has a pet demon cow named Edmund.
Bohlank's Human Counterpart
- Boshlank's Human Counterpart, aside from being the most awesome guy on the planet, is the current dictator of Shnoowurf. He took over the nation by killing the previous ruler and founder, Keel Evribuddi. He will be Shnoowurf's ruler until 2106, when he will die of old age at age 106. (At least, his human body will.) Yes, if you do the math, he was 10 when he took control of Shnoowurf.
Ihaet Evribuddi the XXXIVth
United States of America
- What do you think the Earth is?
- Wombie is the wombat deity. He was punted into the ocean by Regdab. He sucks.
- An incident involving having a wombat stuck in one of your plumbing pipes.
- Badger therapy is the confinement of one in a 10 foot square room. One wall is plexiglass through which a fat badger watches one continuously. The badger eats pears.
- A month spanning from November 1st to Febuary 28th. It consists of 120 days. If the year is a leap year, Febuary 29th is counted as its own year called Reooplioodoo ____. That blank is replaced with the year it actually is.
- Regdab is a badger deity. He has control over all badgers and he has been Boshlank's Human Counterpart's advisor since October 24th, 2012. He was thrown in jail in the event of Regdab's Uprising, so that he could not control any badgers. No one on Shnoowurf knows what Regdab's life was like before he came to Shnoowurf. (See Badglantis .)
Edmund the Demon Cow
- Edmund is a demon cow. There's not much else to say. Well, he lives in the ubderworld. Oh, let me sing you his song! Yes, all the lines in the song are true. It is sung to the tune of that Smurf's lalalawhatever song.
- Edmund the demon cow!
- He feeds off human fear!
- He's big and red and he breathes fire!
- So, watch out when he's near!